party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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