you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
