Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
