Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
