Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.