Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.