Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I touched a dick in church today
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.