it was like eating out sand paper
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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