I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Send us your Text From Last Night!
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.