Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.