Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
