I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.