So many bounce houses so little time
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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