you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
