75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants