I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you