I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises