He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea