We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
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I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.