He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
as a side note pls kill me