it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
