he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
