Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
