you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
"it" just moved
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I am puke
