The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
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The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.