Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Send us your Text From Last Night!
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"