I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!