you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.