When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
