there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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