i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
