Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I think my moral compass just broke
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC