so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
