Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Send us your Text From Last Night!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
