lets start a swedish sibling band together
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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