Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
