it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
