I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we might need a safe word for this...
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"