I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
