Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Send us your Text From Last Night!
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
