I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
