Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
