a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
