She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Send us your Text From Last Night!
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"