she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Send us your Text From Last Night!
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking