As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
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You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.