we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
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Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.