There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
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I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
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your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
No subtext here. People are naked.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.