Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.