Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
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The beer is more important than you right now.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
17 People Who Prepared For Spring Break The Right Way
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer