Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"