We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.