i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
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I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
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Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
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I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.