working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
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I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.