Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.