Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
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The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
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i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
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She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers