I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him