...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
