i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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