Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe