Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
I have to watch that.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.