I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
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your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
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i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
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I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You coming home soon, man?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.