best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
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This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)